Fetal Pig Tuesday:

The clothes you wear can signal information to others about who you are. Or who you are not. The following little tale is about some very crossed signals.

I was in London on tour years ago. I was excited to be in one of my favorite cities for work because I would be able to check out the new stores and clubs and get paid at the same time (in those days it always felt like I was getting paid to shop and go out at night, even though, truth be told, I was really being paid to stay put).

After a brutal day of sitting in my hotel room waiting to be called for a rehearsal that didn’t happen, I decided it would be fun to see the sights of London. I wanted to go to Camden Market’s Red or Dead stall, and stroll on the King’s Road to see what I could see. I wanted to able to see people walking around town wearing items from BOY, and Vivienne Westwood’s designs from the iconic World’s End shop. I did and I was thrilled (I was easier to please in those days).

Hyped up on my fashion high, I thought it would be fun to meet some friends and go out dancing. Except, I didn’t have any friends in London yet. Luckily, some staffers from the record company were going out and invited me along. It was a chance for me to show off my NYC finery, including a simple rubber skirt that I’d purchased at Patricia Field’s.

It was later that evening, while sitting a banquette at a trendy club, that I received the strangest solicitation of my life. A very nattily dressed woman, a friend of my record company cohort, turned to me and asked if I’d like to attend Fetal Pig Tuesday.  Extremely puzzled, I asked the woman for a bit more information, but she would only say that it was “a secret night, at a secret club, where I might love to get up to some secret excitement!”

What was it about me that inspired a perfect stranger to say, “Hey there, would you be interested in joining me in something so twisted and lurid that there isn’t even a word for it yet?” Was my rubber skirt sending out signals I did not intend, or speaking in a kinky volume that was audible to a certain few but not to me?

Maybe Fetal Pig Tuesday was some sort of porcine veterinary survey, but I have a feeling it wasn’t. In any case I did not accept the woman’s invitation. The moral of this is: You are what you’re wearing says you are. And even if that isn’t true, you may be perceived that way. 

23 Things You Are Not Allowed To Do In Store Dressing Rooms

Working in the high-end fashion business can be fun. But it can also be quite a demanding job. Not only do you have to show up each morning on time and look completely flawless and fantastic, you also have to be nice to random people who may approach you. Being perpetually friendly would seem to make this job quite difficult in my opinion.

Another not so nice part of this job is witnessing what occurs in the dressing rooms. As a service to this industry, here are...

23 Things You Are Not Allowed To Do In Store Dressing Rooms

Stealing merchandise, switching price tags, and having sex are well-known dressing room no-nos. But I’ve devised this list of amendments as a courtesy to help you remember what else not to do:

1. Do not pee on the floor.

2. Do not eat a meal.

3. Do not leave used or dirty tissues on the floor.

4. Do not breast feed your…

A) child

B) or an adult

C) or leave breast milk splattered on the furnishings.

5. Do not talk loudly in any language for any duration of time on your cell phone.

6. Do not open your medium-sized expensive briefcase filled with cocaine and do a line.

7. Do not insert or remove your vaginal expander (whether you are transitioning genders or not).

8. Do not have sex with the sales staff.

      9. Do not crack the mirror (it’s rumored to be bad luck, y’know!)

      10. Do not defecate and then smear it on the walls.

11. Do not count fake money given to you by a true or false sovereign from a real or imagined country with the intention of using it to pay for your desired merchandise.

12. Do not vomit in the wastebasket.  

13. Do not permanently remove buttons, zippers, collars or epaulettes, even if you think they are ugly.

14. Do not mainline drugs.

15. Do not take psychotropic medications, unless you are willing to share them with the staff, including the door personnel.

16. Do not knit, or crotchet, or tat (even if you know what the latter is).

17. Do not come out of the dressing room nude, or wearing only sheer black fishnet Gucci underwear (if you are male).

18. Do not leave messages for cute sales staff on unpaid merchandise using lipstick.

19. Do not attempt to take clothing in the dressing room if you suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. The sales staff know that you not a size 2. Or 4. Or 6, or even a size 8.

20. Do not forget your weapon, leaving the sales staff to deal with its disposal.

21. Do not forget to use body moisturizer before trying on clothing.

22. Do not use the wrong kind of body moisturizer before trying on clothing.

23. Do not offer the staff alcohol. They do not want alcohol (refer to #15).

Subject Eye Presents: My, My, My Lila Delilah!

A stylish woman with a fantastic name, Lila Delilah, created her in-the-know website Madison Avenue Spy (madisonavespy.blogspot.com) in 2008. Lila has lived for most of her life in NYC and wrote about a myriad of topics including business and retail for The Wall Street Journal, The New Yorker, and Smart Money before taking a respite to start a family.

Soon enough Lila, who describes herself as a Type A- personality in the land of Type A’s, found that she missed writing and, inspired by her love of fashion, she decided to put pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard) again. At its launch, the focus of Madison Avenue Spy was the businesses, sales and events in the environs of Madison Ave, but it has since grown to include a much larger area. If you want to know what’s happening on the Upper Eastside and beyond, this is the site for you.

Madison Avenue Spy is insightful and helpful. It’s like having a best friend who has all the info about great bargains for name brand merchandise and where and when to make the best attempt to acquire it. This week you can find out the up to the minute stats regarding discounted merchandise at Scoop, Marc Jacobs, and Manolo Blahnik shoes.

I truly enjoyed my interview with Lila Delilah. She was like a calming restorative tonic we all need and has the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. I feel that her interview was such a gift. I hope you’ll feel the same way too.

The Lovely Lila Delilah.

What were you thinking?

I wasn’t thinking much, except ‘food!’ (Lila and I met for some extremely delicious cake at Lady M Confections)

List of the items you are wearing in your photo:

Jacket: Devi Kroell

Shirt: blue silk blouse from Zara

Pants: jeans from The Gap

Necklace: J.Crew

Handbag: Celine  (if not always, then usually I carry a bag from Celine)

Boots: Triple zipper boot by Sigerson Morrison.

Nail polish: Limited edition Chanel polish in ‘Peridot’

Favorite music played while getting dressed?

My favorite music right is Top 50 dance music. I love jazz music. I’ve been listening to Esperanza Spalding. I also end up listening to a lot of my kids’ overly engineered Disney music (laughs).    

Inspirations: icons, fictional characters, shapes, eras?

I can’t tell you how many people have inspired me! So many women inspire me. I love to watch women in the shoe salon at Bergdorf Goodman. I could sit there and watch them for hours.

Shopping tactics:

I’m still learning. I experiment with buying things I want vs. buying the things I need.

Lila and her composed, classic style. 

Avoidance tactics:

I will not wear Uggs, Crocs, Juicy Couture or mindless trends. I don’t mind mass marketed items, but there needs to be some sort of aesthetic discernment. There needs to be a standard in place. 

Do you Rock, shock or think about matching socks?

I shop!

How do you keep or lose your figure?

Having children makes you lose your figure, but then you have to get it back slowly. I don’t obsess. I tend to do what I need to do when it’s needed.

Do you think you're sexy?

Yes. 

What do you collect?

I collect, but not in the traditional sense of collecting. I like things that are pretty diverse. I just try to buy wisely. I hate feeling forced to buy anything. I have some Yves Saint Laurent that I bought at an outlet. I felt like I was saving them. I felt that these items needed to be rescued (laughs).   

Most desired item-if anything?

There is something I want, but I’m going to keep this to myself. The idea needs to be contained.

Are you designer label happy?

Not at all.

Is your skin in? (What is your skin care regimen, if any?)

Whatever beauty products that get sent to my work, I’ll try. I’m not a beauty products ‘high maintenance’ woman. I did have to buy a $50 lipstick once. Just to see what the hype was about. I was really mad at it, but now we are good friends.

If you could be reincarnated as a piece of clothing, what would you be?

A coat.

A night to remember/forget regarding your clothing…

It was a night to remember. It was the opening gala for the Gianni Versace exhibition at The Costume Institute/The Metropolitan Museum of Art. I was 19 and I snuck into the VIP laden dinner. I even spent time speaking with Donatella Versace! Sting preformed. It was an amazing event; I wore a Romeo Gigli dress that had a deep ‘V’ opening to my navel. I just fell into this night. I was photographed standing behind Donatella made it into The New York Post on Page Six.

Any advice for future generations?

Don’t spend so much time worrying. Don’t be neurotic. It is a complete waste of time.

Past/Current projects/Future projects?

I’m evaluating if I have time to launch a sister site for Madison Avenue Spy. It will be different, but it will be a compliment to MAS.  

*Note: I’m one lucky girl! A year ago, I was asked to do an interview for Madison Avenue Spy. It was such a pleasure to do. Check it out: Retail Therapy- Erika Belle.