The Wayback Machine - https://web.archive.org/web/20190118063817/http://clientsfromhell.net/
HOMEPODCAST
SUBMIT STORY

For several months I worked on a moderately large e-commerce website. The site had been online for thirty minutes when I got an email from the client:

Client: Please remove the “soon online” message from the website.

Me: I’m not sure where that you’re seeing that. Could you send a screenshot or a URL so I can see where the issue is?

The client then pasted a google search result link where that message was still in the preview.

Sure lady, I'll just call Google and have them update the text for you.

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Client: I want the logo to have a modern feel.

Me: Sure, I’ll create some mockups.

Skip ahead to next week.

Client: I like it but it isn't quite what I had in mind. Can you just use Times New Roman in extra bold? I really like that font. I use it on everything.

Me:  (struggling to comprehend this request) …?

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Client: Can you make these elements the same size?

Me: The one platform is much smaller, so not without making the other one smaller.

Client: I know they're different sizes, that's fine, but can you increase the small one to match the size of the large one?

Me: ...

I actually like this client a lot. Charming, straightforward & accommodating. We all have moments where we need to roll our eyes.

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I mostly do illustration as a hobby, and I do very few small online commissions. My brother-in-law decided to approach this holiday season to draw for his friend's newly-designed board game.

Client: So my friend made an amazing sci-fi board game, and the mechanics are basically done. A publisher has contacted us, but we still need an artist. The only artists I know are you and my [12-year-old] daughter, but my daughter's too scared. You know board games are credited for both their game designer and artist. Think of the fame.

While he's explaining the game mechanics to me, I'm imagining the tons of illustrations they would need, let alone designing original characters and assets for everything. And of course they're implying they want free/cheap art, since they want me to do it for exposure AND they thought asking their young daughter is a good idea. I ask to see what else they're doing about it.

Me:  I don't specialize in the style you'd want or designing sci-fi things. Why don't you look for artists online?

Client: Well, my friend has been going on to this site where freelancers bid to take on projects and share samples. But they're all from India, and my friend's not happy about the samples he's getting.

Me: (questioning the credibility of the site, and these guys' respect for artists and designers) ...

Client: Why don't you just do it? It's not that hard.

Me: ...it takes time to design a cohesive style for characters, ships and whatever else. You want everything to look like the fit in the same world. 

Client: Look , say I want to draw a character with goggles, but I don't know how to draw goggles. Just go on google and keep drawing a pair of goggles, until you're confident with drawing goggles on your own.

There were so many things I wanted to say him after that line, but I generally dislike talking to him for other reasons. I just wanted to leave ASAP. Basically, I just felt awkward every time I was in the same room as him for the rest of the holiday. 

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Me: Please give me the contact information of the print guys, so I can talk to them directly.

Client: Send me everything and I will send the files to the printing company. 

Me: I need to be able to talk to them in terms of printing and specialized language. Please give me their contact.

Client: We already have a contract. I will send them the files myself.

Me: I'm not talking about a contract. I need a con-TACT from the printing company. I need to talk to them directly. 

Client:  We already have a signed contract. Give me the files and explain to me what I need to tell the printing company.

At this point I get frustrated at the thought of me teaching this guy everything I know, so he can have a professional conversation with the printing company. 

Me: I am not saying anything about a contRact!!! I am talking about a CONTACT, a way to talk directly to the printing guys, an e-mail, a phone number, so I can personally send them the files and answer all the industry specific questions that they might have for me. Please let me do my job and give me the CONTACT info of the printing company. 

Client: Oooooh, okay. 

Me: (fuming forever).

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A client reached out to me with an "urgent request" for "same day delivery."

Client: Please! I'm doing a presentation and need this immediately! 

I delivered.

Every day for the next two weeks (yes, on weekends too), they sent me additional "final" changes, for a presentation that "happened" two weeks ago.

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Me: I’ve attached your proof to this email.

Client: Should I look at it?

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I was working as a concept artist for an indie company that wanted to make a video game. They needed a ton of assets and I wasn’t sure if I could fit it in, but they literally begged me to submit an art brief. I agreed.

They sent me a rough concept to go off. I started to put the artwork together, trying to give them a fresh take on the concept.

As time went on, they changed every… tiny… detail of my design to exactly fit the initial concept until they were practically designing it themselves via emails.

At this stage, I lost interest and passion. But when they mentioned working alongside another reputable design studio I sat up and paid attention. Having my work seen by them would be great exposure. Maybe they would hire me someday! These guys were one of the top design studios in my field. 

Client: So we showed your work to that design studio!

Me: Really? W-what did they say?

I was wondering what they thought of it, and nervous that I had no say in any of the design as the client had 100% creative control.

Client: Well, to be honest, they didn’t think you made it.

Me: …

Client: They said it looked like you got a totally different artist to work on it.

Sigh. In a way, I guess I had.

I never worked on a second brief for that client.

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Client: I’m making a game, and I need assets for the tutorial.

Me: Sure, send me the wireframes.

Client: What’s a wireframe?

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